Most people would say ‘there’s no comparison;’ yet while remembering Pearl Harbor, I’m also remembering how the enemy struck the harbor of our hearts. It was September of 2012 when news came that our son Patrick was battling cancer. Never would our family forget that day nor the months that lie ahead.

I could never diminish the impact that Pearl Harbor had on 1,177 lives, their families, nor the blight on our nation’s history. American’s military sons and daughters suffered death as destruction came in full force. Even more devastation was to follow on another soil.

In the hearts of our family members, the impact was equally violent when our beloved son, brother, husband, and father would face cancer over the next two years and three months fighting valiantly for his life. He endured countless chemo and radiation treatments, along with other horrific invasions to his young body … just to stay alive for his family he loved so much!

‘Remembering’ brings to mind re-membering. ‘Re’ means to repeat or to rejoin. ‘Member’ comes from the root concept of bringing a person to memory. So to remember is to gather all the pieces together ~ something like rejoining them and putting them in mental slides.

Our son left precious memories upon our hearts. We peek through the mind’s view master, clicking through, one memory at a time. We will always be so thankful Father God sent him our way…this one we painfully miss. Clicking through, we remember his funny ways, his love for people, how many he served [at least those we know of], and, yes, even some of his foolishness. All came in the “Patrick package.”

Our youngest granddaughter recently asked me who she was most like in the family. I said, without hesitation, “your Uncle Patrick.” She smiled big; she loved him very much. She clicked through her own view master and asked, “Am I as funny as he was?” I replied, “Yes, you are.” Then she asked me why I said she was so like him. My playful, but honest, answer was: “For one thing, you are the 3rd child; and you make certain that you get your share of everything coming to you!”

Yep, that was Patrick, our 3rd child. He lived life to its fullest. He packed as much as he could in a day, getting his share. At the same time, he served and loved others unselfishly. Only someone loving life like Patrick could fulfill a ‘bucket list’ with three game hunts, just days or weeks before he went Home.

“I’m clicking my view master. These memories are so precious, but I wish I had him here.

“When my heart is faint, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.”   [Psalm 61:2]

“…Let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God.” [I John 4:11 Message]

The late Jack Frost, in his healing ministry to the world, said, “We are made to receive love and to give it away.” The degree of healthy flow of that love from Father God, and then out to others, is an indicator of our love quotient. 

“…Love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry…. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life–fear of death, fear of judgment–is one not yet fully formed in love.” [4:17-18]

Being recipients of God’s love enables us to pour out into the lives of others to the measure of agape love that we have received from Him. The word ‘love’ is often over-used, misused, or misunderstood. Yet, agape love never brings confusion. It stands the test of time. It stands the frequent test of challenging relationships with people.

In the 3rd chapter of I John, we read: “…Let’s not talk about love; let’s practice real love. This is the only way we’ll know we’re living truly, living in God’s reality. It’s also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there’s something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves.” [3:18-20]

Lights were dimmed as the church choir sang “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” Emotions swelled within me as I remembered 42 Christmases past with our son Patrick. This year he wouldn’t be home for Christmas; he’s spending his eternal life with Jesus.

Quiet in my grief, I refrained from drawing attention from the dear family and friends around me. Eyes closed, I remembered him, 10 months old, in his little red suit he wore his first Christmas.  I remembered the holiday’s anticipation that kept him from sleeping a full night almost all his youth. Memories flooded again as the friend sitting next to me had joined us and our son in church pageants gone by. Emotions crept out of the cubby holes of my soul–that place that I thought had sentries guarding so carefully.

As my daughter moved a few seats over and slid in next to me, her arm tucked gently under mine and squeezed me softly. Being sensitive and caring about her mom’s emotions, she was intuitively aware. She could otherwise have been distracted by her children, or the beautiful performance. I placed my hand upon her knee, letting her know she brought strength to my heart.

Most of the grief we often experience is held private. Life. does. go. on. ~ even after our losses ~ and most people want you to be happy and to share in their joys. Therefore grief gets tucked in the cubby holes of the soul–that snug place we feel that it’s safe. We tell it to behave itself, to stay quiet, to not ‘bleed’ on anyone. Tears leak out, however, and sometimes it happens when we least expect it. Seldom are they witnessed………

…unless a tenderhearted person is watching you out of the corner of their eye. This happens because it’s a nudge from God … because He knows that pain in your cubby hole is showing. And He wants to fill the vacancy.

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, bearing with one another…” [Colossians 3:12]

These past two days were all-American days for us as my hubby took a sweet friend from another country to Charlotte to take her citizenship test. Though she was nervous, and was brushing up on her quiz all the way to Charlotte, she needed her spiritual daddy with her. While walking the halls, she held his hand tight. She watched his face for clues as to protocol, and rested in the fact that he would take care of her.

Yesterday she passed her test! Tears flowed and shouts of joy came from this precious one who highly values being a citizen of her new country.

Today the swearing-in ceremony was held, again in Charlotte. Another day to remember ~ not only by our new sister-citizen ~ but by 80 others from 43 different countries who wept passionately over this heartfelt patriotism.

Hubby came home very emotional about his past two days. After we talked about it, we decided that every American should witness at least one time what he saw and heard. The American flag, patriotic songs being sung, swearing to protect and defend our country — even to the extent of renouncing former citizenship. There was no doubt in anyone’s minds as to the seriousness of this allegiance.

Sadly, many Americans take our beloved country for granted. Today’s 80 new citizens’ emotions were beyond words. Tears, hugs, and handshakes were their lame attempts to express how grateful they were to be called Americans.

Hands over our hearts, once again we need to pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America! Our loyalty and commitment will be tested, yet there is no greater country in which to live!

Psalm 33:12 “Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people whom He has chosen.”

The Apostle Paul admonishes us to know the love of Christ “which surpasses knowledge.” [Ephesians 3:19] Knowledge is something that is contained within the space of man’s mind, while love is beyond containment. The love of God confounds the mind. It’s staggering; its content is beyond man’s comprehension. Paul wrote that this love ‘surpasses knowledge;’ that is, it exceeds or goes beyond man’s ability to rationalize.

The apostle had divine revelation of this love’s width, length, height, and depth. He explained that it could not be measured, could not be limited, nor could it be housed in something finite as the mind of earthly man. It could only be found in relationship to Love Himself.

We grasp to understand what these writings are telling us. Yet Paul writes of something so vast that the human mind cannot fathom it. This love could not be contained, not even while suffering on the cross of Calvary. Nor could death possibly snuff it out. It must be experienced through an intimate walk with Christ.

Both knowledge and love bring increase to our lives. Paul writes that knowledge puffs up ~ it grows, even swells, soul’s pride. Its focus can be found in serving man himself. The mind of man then draws its own conclusions, placing human borders around what it knows. How finite that is!

Love, on the contrary, edifies. It builds upon faith in Jesus Christ ~ and its focus is primarily on the audience of One. Its pulse is found in relationship. If we think that we know it all through our rationale, we really don’t know anything. The knowledge that is most important is the knowledge God has of those who love Him. “If anyone loves God [giving heart attention to the audience of One], this one is known by Him.”

Times together as a family are precious. You never know when they might be cut short by many otherwise anticipated years. It was one year ago that we sat around our Thanksgiving table with our son Patrick for what would be our last holiday together.

Patrick, always fun-loving, could take a serious moment and make it into something zany, funny, and most of all memorable! He never met a stranger; and no one was left the same after being with him.

We had no idea that, on this occasion, his crazy antics would subside and words from his mouth to all of the adults sitting around the table would touch our hearts so deeply.

First, we began sharing as each of us told who or what we were thankful for ~ no doubt, the main focus of our expressed love was Patrick. One after another opened their hearts in ways that were precious and sincere; tears came without apology.

Patrick was the last around the table to speak of things he was thankful for. That’s when he spoke to each of us in personal ways of his gratitude for our love. His heart laid bare before us; he left us speechless. He knew the end was near.

What do you do with memories like these? There are two places to go with them: to the deep, dark hole of despair that this time is no more…OR, to the place in the heart that’s overflowing with gratitude for what you did have.

It’s not only our choice, but it’s Patrick’s wish that we c.e.l.e.b.r.a.t.e our love for our Lord and for one another while it is still day. Among a few of his last words to us were these, and I share them as admonishment to us all: “Love one another. Forgive one another; they didn’t mean to hurt you–they didn’t mean it. His love never changes. Love you; bye! Always and forever will I love you…don’t forget…always and forever!” For seven remaining hours of his life, he gave the Lord and us his best. He was my hero.

“Love never gives up. Loves cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always ‘me first,’ doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.”              [I Corinthians 13:3-7 Message]

When all of our children were home, I posted a small, square-shaped piece of paper on the refrigerator ~ no bigger than 2″ x 2.” In the center of this small paper was a teeny box, with words typed underneath the box: “Write your complaints in here.” My point was clear…though this little box wasn’t the cure for what we called the nasties.

How often do we walk into a room with the attitude that: ‘this room is my personal complaint department’? And then selfishly expect the ones nearby to patiently listen? With an attitude of entitlement, we demand the right to declare that we are ripped off, angry, undone, offended, or even worse off than polite words could describe! We are contagious…that is, contagious with the nasties.

Psalm 142:2 reads: “I pour out my complaint before Him; I declare before Him my trouble.” I’m pretty certain that no one else wants to hear my gripes and complaints.

Bob Sorge wrote: “Complain right and God puts it in the Bible. Complain wrong and He kills you.” [that is, He arranges more opportunities for us to die to ourselves]

“I cry out loudly to God, loudly I plead with God for mercy. I spill out all my complaints before Him, and spell out my troubles in detail. As I sink in despair, my spirit ebbing away, You know how I’m feeling. Know the danger I’m in, the traps hidden in my path. Look right, look left — there’s not a soul who cares what happens! I’m up against it, with no exit — bereft, left alone. I cry out, God, call out: You’re my last rescue, my only hope for life!  …Your people will form a circle around me and You’ll bring me showers of blessing!” Psalm 142:1-7 [Message]

Ahhhhh…relief! The cure for the nasties!

A brother once shared a word of wisdom with me: “Never let someone else’s sin cause you to sin.” Negative behaviors from others pose the temptation for me to feel morally superior ~ to react ~ or, to realize that, without God’s grace…there go I.

Observing negative behavior can be a powerful teaching experience and work to strengthen my desire to be more like Jesus. The choice is mine; the grace is His.

Still even more sobering are the behaviors I see in myself. Ugh…did I say that? Oh me…did I really think those thoughts about that person? Blush…did I carelessly leave such a negative impression by my actions? My flesh is quite capable of parenting me in ‘how to do it wrong and bear poor fruit;’ these personal faults can teach life lessons … when I’m paying close attention to what comes out of me.

Ezekiel prophesied: “Suppose a child who sees the sins of his parent but doesn’t follow in a parent’s footsteps”–[then he lists a few verses of the things the child does not do wrong, having observed the parent]. He continues: “…He does what I [the Lord] say: he performs My laws and lives by My statutes. This person will not die for the sins of the parent; he will live truly and well.” [18:14, 17]

Ponder: “…Doesn’t follow in a parent’s [or another’s] footsteps …but lives by My statutes.” The sins of another will not get inside me if I live by the statutes of the Ultimate Parent, Father God.

You may be beholding a relationship that seems as if it’s hardened like a stone. Your natural senses register that, for the present, it looks like a stone, feels like a stone, and weighs like a stone.

Test a stone and you will find that it is typically hard enough to build on ~ such as, build a case on. We are tempted to rehearse all that has transpired and rationalize how much of a “stone” it’s become. The relationship can even become a stumbling block of offense. So what do we do with these stones that present themselves?

Jesus said, in Matthew 7:9, 11, “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? … how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

The more we declare the current relationship as a stone, the harder it becomes. The more we pray into the situation and call the relationship bread, the softer it will become. Jesus’ words declare it, as He said in verse 8 of the same chapter: “For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”

We are admonished to use the authority that’s been given to us to declare that what is presently a stone will become bread! We use our words to declare good instead of evil. After all, it is baking because of prayer. So, call to remembrance what fresh bread smells like in the oven. Waft it across your memory and build your faith.

Call Heaven’s door open, in Jesus’ name, and expect bread to come forth! He promised bread instead of a stone.

Dressing to have dinner with my eldest grandson, I wanted to be all that Father wanted me to be in this 21-year-long relationship to him. I prayed: “Father, what does that look and sound like?”

Paul wrote: “Let every detail in your lives–words, actions, whatever–be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.” [Colossians 3:17 The Message] What amazing guidelines ~ help me, Lord!

In explaining what Solomon meant when he wrote: “Seize life!”… he continued: “Dress festively every morning. Don’t skimp on colors or scarves. Relish life with the spouse [and in this case, my grandson] you love each and every day of your precarious life. Each day is God’s gift.” [Ecclesiastes 9:7-8 The Message]

Moving mentally in the style of these passages, we can experience the various ‘colors’ of relationship, listen intently to the words they want to share, and take in the pleasant aroma of these moments that are there just for our enjoyment. Solomon encourages: “God takes pleasure in your pleasure!” [9:7] Hasn’t He, in fact, given us the gift of relationships to enjoy?

At the end of the day, I ask: Did I seize these moments as God intended? That is, did I live them out with my grandson’s needs in mind? Were my choice of words truly the expression of love he needed?

Many times our words and actions are chosen as if this immediate moment and its emotions are all there is ~ in particular…how it serves our own needs. True, life here on earth has its precious moments, endearing relationships, and joyous occasions that please. Yet Paul urged us that all words and actions should be done in the name of the Lord Jesus.

On the heels of this special evening, I am “thanking God the Father every step of the way” [3:17] for the gift of seizing life with this fine grandson.