A call to rest is just that…and nothing less. Oh, how slow I am to catch on though. The days had led into weeks, and weeks were creeping up on a month, and I’d not had, nor taken, the ‘down time.’ It caught up with me; I could feel the internal engine slowing down.
My good friend and tech support knows me well. I get thoroughly disgusted with my computer when it begins to do crazy things. In fact, she tells me that I test her tech skills extensively because I just don’t want to take time to cut the thing ‘off’ to re-boot the system. At best, I have the patience to hit ‘re-start’ ~ but don’t want to take time to shut it completely down. That slows my self-driven, goal-oriented pace!!!
So it is with my stretched-out schedule…which tires my soul and my body. The gentle voice of God says, “Shut it down! Don’t just re-start!” Am I convinced? Hardly. I hit my internal switch to ‘re-start’ time and time again until I begin to realize that even a beautiful sunset fails to get my attention. A phone call from a dear friend seems taxing. I realize I am beginning to hide from things that usually cause me great pleasure.
Worse than that, my prayer life begins to wane. Now I’m in a deep mess!
“In repentance and rest you will be saved. In quietness and trust is your strength. But you.were.not.willing.”[emphasis added] Isaiah 30:15
Hubby takes one look at me and says, “Shut it down…all the way down…until you re-calibrate…however long that takes.” I hear him. So, as he assumes some of our pastoral roles, I sit in the quiet. Doing nothing. Hardly even thinking except to think about not thinking. So this is what it feels like to “BE”? Not DO?
To re-calibrate is to check, to adjust, or to compare to a standard [my Standard being Christ]. Simply put, it means to make corrections [obey]. I began to notice that the word ‘caliber’ is rooted in there. Caliber means quality of character [ouch] or level of ability [for sure]. I admit that both had diminished; hubby was beginning to agree. Back to BEING.